You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize