ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
