i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
