Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
