With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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