Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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