people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Randomize
