Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
