quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
