my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize