He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I wish there were birth control emojis
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
