MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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