Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
