she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
