we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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