I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
