Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
