Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
