My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
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