I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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