she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
