i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
