Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
