Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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