I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
