just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
