I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
