I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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