: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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