just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i used baking grease as lip gloss
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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