hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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