dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
