So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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