You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
