i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
