My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
