I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
