Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
