: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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