we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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