capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
