i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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