Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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