I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
