do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
