he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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