best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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