I love black thongs
Barsexuality is the new black.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
