They should really pass out barf bags in church
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
