it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
