i jhust puked up my retainher.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
