i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think I won the penis lottery.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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