He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
