Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My penis needs a shock collar
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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