During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
