Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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