You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
