I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
