I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
soo... how was my night?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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