Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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