I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize