I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize