Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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