I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
