my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Two words: nipple clamps
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